In my head

What version of self do I get today?

The one that is confident and self assured?

Or the one that can’t walk and never knows what to say?

I often wonder how much more I could accomplish.

If i wasn’t waging a war with my mind

with my body as an accomplice.

I stumble I studder I feel so lame.

When I can see pity in the eyes of a stranger,

I can’t help but feel a little shame.

Conventional wisdom says to just be proud and stand tall!

Easy for you to say.

Parky legs at times make it difficult to stand at all!

Have you ever been the smartest person in the room but felt lost.

And decided against saying anything,

on account of the crushing fatigue and the emotional cost.

When it’ just so exhausting to convey what’s in your mind.

When your body fights you every step,

in creeps an apathy of a different kind.

At times I just give up struggling and relax instead.

You may recognize these times.

As this is when I’ve retreated inside my own head.

Aloof and apathetic i appear to be.

I go there to keep my sanity.

Sometimes, the world is just too much for me.

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